DIVA TAUNIA'S BACKSTAGE PASS

Thursday, December 06, 2007

A DAY OF ANNOYANCES

*Today I had an appointment with one of my doctors - one of the many, many appts I have to go to for this surgery. Except it wasn't today. I don't know how I looked at that confirmation letter they sent (about 3 times) and STILL thought today was 12/13, but I did. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the beginning of my old age. I drove the 50 minutes into Boston, paid for parking, and turned my ass right back around to go back home after it was pointed out to me that I'm an idiot.

*After above-mentioned stupidity, I made my way to Wilmington to pick up my crazy Aunt Evie (Bird and Tire Sale). She called me yesterday and asked me to bring her to the doctors. Here's how the conversation went:

ME: What time is your appointment?
HER: I don't have an appointment. I remember there being a determatologist in Burlington and I want to go and see if they're still there and make and appointment with him.
ME: Aunt Evie, why don't we look them up in the phone book and call them?
HER: (getting flustered and angry) Because I don't know the street name and number. I only know where they were.
ME: Well, why don't we look up "determatologist" in Burlington and figure it out?
HER: NO! (mad now) I want to GO THERE and see if he'll take me.
ME: Aunt Evie, he won't take you if you just walk in there.
HER: I KNOW THAT! I want to make the appointment THERE. AT THE OFFICE.

I realized the old bird wasn't giving up. In her head, it's still 1939 where Ol' Doc Henson brings his black medical bag and administers some castor oil. I mean, CRIPES! So, I drew my horse and buggy and we rolled on over there. And guess what? Yes: THERE WAS NO DERMATOLOGIST OFFICE!!!!! Gah.

*I bit the inside of my lip - hard. And now, EVERY TIME I CHEW ANYTHING, I bite down on it again. Because apparently, much like my ability to remember doctor's appointments,I cannot remember to NOT BITE MY OWN GODDAMNED LIP.

*My vet said that I need to brush my dog's teeth. Am I the only pet owner who finds this to be just about IMPOSSIBLE to do?? I mean, I spent some serious dough on "POULTRY FLAVORED TOOTHPASTE" (mmm, Crest, LOOK OUT), and the dogs won't let me near them. It's like wresting with a midget. Neither one of them want anything to do with me sticking a brush-type instrument in their mouths. I had to put them in a headlock to just get the front teeth brushed, and I could barely get THAT accomplished. Either my dogs are the worst behaved (and hygiened) dogs on the planet (possible) OR , a lot of people are LYING about brushing their pet's teeth. (Admit it, bitches!)

They're just going to have to be on a steady diet of the Dingo dental bones. WHICH, by the way, were $17.99 for a bag of 20. At Petco, the final tally was $107 and change. I cannot even remember the last time I spent that much on MY OWN TEETH. And at least I allow a toothbrush in there, dammit!

I am a crank right now. My pride, lip, wallet, and dog's teeth hurt. And don't y'all come on up here telling me how easy it is to clean your pet's teeth and how they sit like little f'in angels for you....or I MIGHT HURT YOU.

Goodnight.

Posted by Taunia @ 7:40 PM