Friday, October 19, 2007
LET ME JUST GET IT OUT, OK?
A few days ago, it was Bob's birthday. It took everything I had to not send him a card or call him. It KILLED me to not acknowledge it. I can't. The last interaction we had was absolutely humiliating, and I just cannot give him the very little piece of my pride that's left.And I want to know what the HELL is wrong with me?? WHY do I still miss him and love him (or love the good parts of him)? WHY can I not get over this? Don't worry, people, I'm not going there again. It will just be the same ridiculous cycle of me hoping for the best and getting the worst. And despite my past history, I do have some pride.
So much time wasted fighting and debating the age difference. Ridiculous. All that time is gone now. And well, everything's gone now.
I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me that I can't get past this and why I still think about him every day? It hurts and it sucks.
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