DIVA TAUNIA'S BACKSTAGE PASS

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

SCREAMING PUSSY

The other night at about 1:00 a.m. I was in bed reading my book. Julip was lying next to me and the air conditioner was running, so there was some noise in my bedroom. Loud and clear over the air conditioner, I heard a woman screaching bloody murder. Both Julip and I jumped out of bed and I had NO idea what to do. Should I call the cops? Should I turn on the lights? Should I go outside?

I decided to turn on all the lights and see what was going on outside...and I heard and saw nothing. I waited to see if I could hear anything else and eventually went back to bed, thinking maybe I had made it up in my head.

The next day, I was telling my friend Jeannie (who lives 3 minutes down the street from me) about this and she said, "Oh no. I know EXACTLY what that is. We had the same thing happen over here and called the cops who promptly told us it was a FISHER CAT."

Uh, EXUSE ME???

I said there was NO WAY this could have been a cat and she said, "Yeah, I know. It sounds like a woman being murdered."

So tonight I was telling my parents the same story and before I even finished it, my mom said, "Oh, that's a Fisher Cat."

HOW have I gone THIRTY FIVE YEARS without ever hearing a thing about this fucking FREAK OF NATURE?!?!



What I found out:

A fisher cat is a large, dark brown North American arboreal, carnivorous mammal.
In fact there is no such thing as a fisher cat. It's not actually a cat but rather a member of the weasel family. There are many theories as to why Fishers are so often called Fisher Cat:

One is that they sometimes hang around barns eating mice, just like a cat would.
Another, is that the old French word for polecat, or fitchew, a European member of the weasel family, was fissau. This later became ficher (and then fisher or fisher cat) in English. Still another theory is that Fishers are widely blamed for devouring housecats that venture out for a stroll in the woods.

The'Fisher Cat'- is coloured a deep brown and is a richly-furred handsome mammal.
The Fisher typically measures between 30 and 41 inches in length. A Fisher Cat can grow up to thirty pounds and is much larger than either the mink or the pine marten, two of its close relatives in the weasel family.

The Fisher Cat is a ferocious predator of small game and they are very fast on their feet. The Fisher Cat is a resident of dense forests, and is a solitary creature and very elusive. Few ever get the chance to see a Fisher, mainly because they are nocturnal. However, fisher Cats can sometimes be heard calling in the woodlands during their mating season. They have a chilling scream very much like that of high-pitched child or woman.

Fishers, which in addition to eating small game** will emit a shrill shriek when provoked, enjoy a rather exaggerated reputation as predators.

***Eating small game? Like say, a small yippy dog?!?

What the HELL? I don't like the idea of having some 30 lb screaching, ugly-ass weasel running around my hood trying to eat my dog! What's next, polar bears?!?! Killer pigeons?!?

Posted by Taunia @ 6:52 PM