Sunday, August 12, 2007
DR. SODERQUIST TO THE RESCUE!
My mom has a long history of making snap medical diagnosis' based on very little fact and/or knowledge. Any time there is anything wrong with me, she always does two things:1. Tells me it's likely due to me being overweight (which is true)
2. Gives me the worst possible medical diagnosis
A classic example of this: one time she was helping me color my hair (because I cannot see the back of my head and don't want to burn my hair off), and therefore had her hands on my skull. She start feeling around back there and told me I had lumps on my head and that I should have that checked because I could have Hodgkin's disease or some other very dramatic form of cancer.
The thing is, we make the perfect team, because I'm a hypochondriac, and she's a pretend doctor with no medical training. I immediately went to see my actual doctor who promptly laughed at me and told me that I just had a bumpy head. Embarassing, no?
So this morning, my mom stopped by with coffee and ibuprofen for me since I'm stuck in the house (which was pretty nice of her). She asked me how my foot was feeling, and then I showed her my big sausage toes. She took one look and proclaimed:
"You have gout."
Uh, WHAT? I'm 35, not 90. Isn't gout an old-people thing? Apparently not. We looked it up on WebMD, and I think for the FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, my mother may have diagnosed me correctly:
What is the Definition of Gout?
Gout, also called crystal-induced arthritis, is an arthritic condition that occurs when uric acid crystals accumulate in the joints. Gout usually affects the large joint of the big toe, but can also affect other joints, such as the knee, ankle, foot, hand, wrist and elbow. In rare cases, it may later affect the shoulders, hips or spine. Gout does not spread from joint to joint (thank JESUS for that!).
In about 90 percent of all cases, gout is prevalent in men older than 40 and in menopausal women. (This is possible. My mother went through early menopause and I'm already exhibiting early menopausal symptoms) An "episode" often occurs overnight, and within 12 to 24 hours, there is severe pain and swelling in the affected joint. The episode usually lasts about five to 10 days. FIVE TO TEN DAYS. SOMEONE GET ME SOME DRUGS, YO.
Although the exact cause is unknown, gout may be caused by:
*genetic defect in metabolism, which causes overproduction and retention of uric acid
*kidney impairment that prevents normal elimination of uric acid
(Important to note that when I was about 27, I got the ecoli virus and was hospitalized for a week - I almost died. After all the testing was done, my doctor told me that I had kidney damage that would most likely effect my health as I got older. I just didn't think that would effect MY TOES!)
*thiazide diuretic medications (water pills) used to treat high blood pressure and heart failure
(Important to note: I take blood-press meds, including hydroclorothiazide.)
*diseases of the blood cells and blood-forming organs, certain cancers and psoriasis
*environmental factors, such as obesity, alcohol abuse and a purine-rich diet.
The reading we did on this almost always pointing to a problem with the big toe, like I'm having. I'm pretty sure it's gout. I'll call my doc (my REAL doc) to confirm, but if Dr. Mom is right, I'm pretty fucked because all I can do is take ibuprofen and wait it out.
I hate my big toe right now.
Labels: Dr. Mom, Dr. Soderquist, foot, hypochondriac
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