Thursday, April 19, 2007
THE DIGITAL AGE & COMMON COURTESY
I have a love-hate relationship with the internet. I love that I can find ANYTHING I need: information, furniture, friends, etc. What I HATE is that it has made dating and human interaction sterile and void of any sensitivity, tact, or courtesy.I've recently given up on internet dating for this very reason. Too many men are just looking for a quick screw. There's no tact, no effort, and worst of all, absolutely NO romance. So I've given up on it and decided that if I'm meant to be with someone, I'll meet him the old fashioned way: in real life. Imagine my surprise when I met an attractve, intelligent guy at my regular poker game...that seemed like he *might* be interested! Here's what happened:
You all know I play poker pretty regularly, and I have this home game full of guys (and one awesome lesbian) that I go to a few times a month. The last three times I went, there was a new guy there that I thought was kind of cute. In fact, he looks a bit like the actor Gary Oldman, who I've always had a thing for. Except he's not nearly as suave as GO: kind of nerdy and geeky, but in a really endearing way.Anyhow, at the last game, I decided to try flirting a bit and it seemed to be going well. Nothing over the top, but we had conversation and some laughs sitting next to each other and I thought things went well enough that it would be worth initiating some email conversation (see? love the internet for this reason), and so I did, and he responded. We talked about the poker games and also had this ridulous little thing where I kept asking him how old he was, and he jokingly wouldn't respond. It was all very 6th grade and fun.
So after a few flirty emails back and forth, I decided to drop some hints. I told him I had a question that I wanted to ask but since he was avoiding the age question, I'd probably give up on him answering anything else. He responded by saying this:
Also, just out of curiosity, what was the other inquiry you supposedly
wanted to make? After all, you're *assuming* that I won't answer it by
solely relying on my response to something that might be totally
unrelated. You know what they say about people that do that, right?
Besides, you have no basis to reach this conclusion based on just one
lone query. Granted, maybe I'm like this with anything anyone asks me
(which is entirely possible), but since you don't have a large enough
statistical sampling to go on yet, you'll never know unless you ask...
;-)
Ok, that to me says flirty. He HAD to know what I wanted to ask after I just randomly started emailing him. COME ON. Did I completely misread that? After I saw that, I thought: GREEN LIGHT - ASK HIM.
So I did. I sent him the email. That was at noon Sunday. It's now Thursday afternoon and I haven't heard a word. Every other email was answered within 12 hours. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I waited. And waited. And stewed in my anger.
The thing is, I can take rejection. I'm well aware that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm pretty damn picky myself. But what I CANNOT deal with is being IGNORED. It makes me feel ridiculous and pathetic - like I'm someone he has to avoid at all costs. How hard is it to come up with something tactful? You know, "thanks, I'm flattered, but not really interested in anything romantic." What the HELL?
I'm just so upset about this. It bothers me that people use the internet as a "get out of extending courtesy free" card. We had no real history, what I asked him was plain and simple and non-pressuring, just open-ended. And instead of being a MAN and replying in *some* way, he just completely ignored me, which I think is total shit.
I will tell you this, though: I was not wrong. I was NOT wrong for putting myself out there and for letting him know I was interested. I gave him no reason to run away screaming. I asked in a way that was humorous and joking (so I thought) so there'd be no pressure, and I will continue to put myself on the line like that. And screw anyone who can't handle it. I just don't want to be ignored. I mean, who does? I should matter enough (even to a stranger) to elicit a response of some kind.
Labels: courtesy, dating, internet dating, poker
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Addendum:
I sent a follow-up email on Friday telling him that being ignored sucked and that he hurt my feelings. He replied with an email saying that he "forgot" to send his original reply....that he had it saved in his draft folder. Ok, fine, I accept his apology.
But worse, his original reply said that he would be happy to go out sometime - as FRIENDS. He gave me the same line that makes MEN bullshit to hear.
Oh well, at least I know for sure now.